Please Yourself with an Elf

Debunking elf-sex myths
15.8.2008
Words by Stevie Ward
Elves are hard to find, but a few years ago elves found Hallgerður
Hallgrímsdóttir. These encounters led to some of the most wonderful
sexual experiences of her life. Keen to share her experiences, her book
‘Please yoursELF-Sex with the Icelandic Invisibles’ has made her the
leading authority on the mystic art of elf sex – the Grapevine
investigates.

    Surveys have shown that ten percent of Icelanders believe in the existence of “huldufólk” (the hidden people), dwarfs, spirits and other supernatural beings. Ten percent deny it, but the remaining eighty still refuse to rule out their existence.  
    Natives to Iceland, elves are very limber, light and strong which makes them excellent sexual partners. Unlike humans, elves have the ability to open up other worlds of sexual encounters. Although Hallgerður does not think they possess supernatural powers, she is sure that having sex with one is magical. “They can do stuff you would never imagine, and also have the imagination to think of things you never would,” Hallgerdur divulges. Grapevine finds this surprising, considering that elves are generally small and skinny in physical stature. But, as the saying goes, size does not matter and according to Hallgerður, half the magic lies in the way they use their tongues. Also, it seems the myths of elves ‘eating people’ may have been slightly misconstrued, as it is far less physically harmful and much dirtier then Hans Grimm ever divulged.
    Although she has been sexually cavorting in this world for years, Hallgerður is not monogamous with these elves, and has never been in a serious relationship with one. She also cannot fully detail how long these encounters last; bedded in soft moss with a supernatural being by her side (or some other position entirely) seems to blur the time space continuum. Grapevine asked if filming these encounters would be allowed (for journalistic purposes, of course), but unfortunately it seems elves are very excited about ‘electrical devices’ and are prone to steal them or use them (we did not ask on what).
    To those who wish to try and catch themselves an elfish encounter, be warned – elves are shy so Hallgerður’s book recommends secluded places. They would love to have more people wandering around the Icelandic countryside and for those unsure about dabbling in the world of elven pleasure, other benefits include no-strings-attached, stress-free sexual encounters and no one seeing you performing the walk of shame through the forest in the morning.
    ‘Please yoursELF-Sex with the Icelandic Invisibles’ by Hallgerður Hallgrímsdóttir is available from www.anobii.com. 

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