To save myself and the reader precious time in our short, fleeting lives, I have decided to forego the standard procedure of taking an account of a nihilistic drinking binge set to live music and dressing it up with florid prose in an attempt to make it look like a life-changing experience. Instead comes a mind-blowing reading experience unlike anything you’ve seen since however long ago it was you were in second grade, and one I find more in keeping with the maturity generally on display during Iceland Airwaves: six so-called ‘diamond poems,’ where I have taken each musician and farted out a short poem about their performance, using the following format:

NOUN

ADJECTIVE ADJECTIVE

VERB VERB VERB

ADJECTIVE ADJECTIVE

NOUN

I won’t insult you or myself by deeming it necessary to explain further, so I’ll let the poetry do the talking from now on:

JÓN TRYGGVI

Music lessons

Commonplace, unimaginative

Confesses, whines, jams

White, easy

Muzak

STAIRS TO KOREA

Kitsch

English, quirky

Yelps, jokes, croons

Innovative, honest

Beard

MIKAEL LIND

Krútt

Contrived, nervous

Aspires, attempts, fails

Insipid, crap

Crap

Turns out finding verbs for music is pretty hard.

MAT RIVIERE

Drone

Apocalyptic, atonal

Drifts, minimises, varies

Lonely, bitter

Floor tom

NAPOLEON III

Talent

Loud, assured

Rocks, shows off. screams

Distorted, nonsensical

Chaos

Sit down and stop dancing, Bearded Twat At The Front. No-one’s going to join in. Thank you.

LIGHTS ON THE HIGHWAY

Kidults

Fair, cocky

Bleats, lacks, indulges

Heavy-handed, sterile

Marijuana